Do you use sex as a tool?
Are you the type of person that is always taking and never giving? Do you seek sex from your spouse for the pure enjoyment of getting your rocks off, and not being mindful of your spouses need?
Sex is primarily a spiritual act of oneness symbolized with a physical act. For it to be a blessing in marriage, there needs to be emotional and spiritual wholeness, free of domination, manipulation and control from either spouse. Emotional wounding or bondage in either person will damage and distort sexual intimacy. To have a healthy sexuality, you need complete trust, mutual respect and appreciation of each other which leads to oneness of body, soul and spirit. This creates a godly sexual soul tie. An ungodly sexual soul tie occurs when sexuality becomes a tool of control.Yes, there can be an ungodly sexual soul tie even in Christian marriage. There can even be sexual abuse in Christian marriage which gets covered up by insisting on the scriptural submission of women to the will of the male. It is a sin to dominate, manipulate or control a spouse in any way, including sexuality. It shows disrespect and treats the person as an object to meet the emotional needs of the other.Sexuality can be used as a tool of punishment or reward to control the other spouse. When it is used as a way of reassuring yourself of worth or acceptance, it can easily become an addiction that drives you for more. A very simple test of sexuality is to ask yourself this question, “during sex are you lovingly giving yourself to your spouse or taking what you believe to be rightfully yours?” If you are taking then you are on dangerous ground! In my observation, most sexual problems are emotional and spiritual, not physical. The solution is the healing of our wounds. We need to learn to love unconditionally. When we can detach ourselves from believing that we have total control of our spouses’ body, mind and soul and learn to trust and give them the love and respect they deserve, then we are on our way to learning the greatest lesson of all. “The art of a lover is to make the love last as long as possible.” Capture the spirit of this sentence and you capture the meaning of learning how to love unconditionally. In any relationship this is the greatest challenge of all. But it is one that we must learn to embrace and understand if we are to have a complete loving and romantic life together as one.
How to enjoy your sexual appetite for your partner
The state of a couple’s sex life is often a barometer of their relationship in general. When they are happy, sexual relations between them are good, but when problems occur in other areas of their life, their sex life often suffers too. This is because sex is a form of communication, and any difficulties we have in relating emotionally to each other are magnified by the physical intimacy of sexual union. However, it is also precisely because sex is the most intimate form of physical communication that it is the ideal vehicle through which to express love for our partner.
At the start of a relationship, when your levels of intimacy and commitment increase, the need to make love decreases and your sex life settles down. You may feel that the passion has gone, but in reality you are simply adjusting to each other’s natural libidos. This is a good time to embark on a journey to explore each other’s sensuality and learn how best to fulfill each other’s sexual needs.
A useful way to start is to make regular dates to spend intimate time together say, a couple of hours once or twice a week. You need to ensure that you will have total privacy, so try to arrange your dates to coincide with times when other members of the household will be out. Don’t feel that you have to make love in these sessions – the idea is to spend time getting to rediscover each other sexually in whatever ways feel most comfortable. You might like to talk, say, about past sexual experiences or what turns you on; or you might prefer to start the date by kissing and caressing each other tenderly and see where this touching leads you; or, again, you might wish to look at a sex manual or watch a sex video together, and talk about the positions and techniques they demonstrate. This will help you find a way to speak about your sexual desires. The more you learn about how to please each other, the more satisfying your sex life will become.
As you build up trust and physical intimacy, you can gradually introduce new elements into your love-making. Why not ask a favor of each other next time you have sex – you could ask your partner to give you a massage or to share their most erotic fantasy with you. Remember, whatever you choose to do, always approach sex with tenderness so that “making love” is a literal description of what you do together sexually.
