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By Minister Davis
No matter how much love there is in your relationship, treating each other with disrespect is inevitably a road to unhappiness. On the other hand, an underpinning of respect allows love to grow and flourish. Respect is an acknowledgment of positive qualities, a well-intentioned wish to allow those qualities their rightful significance in the way we regard each other and behave toward each other.
A necessary basis for respect is the way in which you treat your own self. If you have low self-esteem, true respect for another is difficult to muster, because you are always going to be making an inner comparison between yourself and the other person, possibly with a tinge of envy. You might even find yourself reacting against the positive qualities your partner shows by belittling them in some way – either openly or just in your own mind. A healthy sense of self-worth, however, gives you a clear perspective in which to appreciate your partner’s merits without being affected by any emotional backwash. You simply admire this person, and your admiration becomes an inextricable part of your love.
One common form of behavior that runs counter to respect is the put-down, by which one partner tries to make the other feel smaller. Put-downs are difficult to deal with because they often come out of the blue in the presence of other people, who then witness an embarrassing skirmish if you should choose to counterattack. Furthermore, they often take the form of a joke, which gives them a defensive shield: if you get angry or upset, you will sometimes hear, “Oh, can’t you even take a joke?” – there by adding a further level of injury against you. It is worth stating unambiguously that put-downs are not an acceptable part of dialogue between people who love each other: indeed, the put-down is not a dialogue at all, and reflects badly on the perpetrator. Such aberrations are best dealt with firmly. You might try saying, in a reasonable tone of voice, “That put-down hurts. Please excuse me now,” then leaving, wherever you are. It is not unreasonable to do this even when friends are there to witness the scene, as the message that this is intolerable will then be driven home. But in this or other situations, you might choose instead to save your comments until you and your partner are alone together. Be absolutely clear that the boundary of acceptable behavior has been crossed, and that you will not tolerate this again. Teasing, though related, is usually distinguished easily from a put-down, and if you do not enjoy being teased (many people do), you can make your point in a milder fashion.
Developing respect for a partner means focusing on what is good in their character or achievements. It is possible to spend time deploring this or that habit or aspect of personality: nobody is so perfect that they are immune from this kink of criticism. Tut it is much healthier to concentrate on the positive. You might feel that the ideals you attributed to your partner in the first flush of love are starting to peel off. Or perhaps you find that one of the characteristics that originally attracted you has in time become irritating in some way: to take an extreme case, people who fall for geniuses often find out very soon that the great person is maddeningly self-absorbed. To gain a fresh perspective, ask yourself what are the gifts that your partner’s difference from yourself brings into your life. This question is especially interesting and important when you apply it to the character traits you find most difficult to handle.
By Minister Davis
Love is the perfect antidote that floods the mind to wash away hatred, jealousy, resentment, anxiety and fear.
Love alone can release the power of the atom so it will work for man and not against him.
Love, in the words of the World’s Greatest Lover, is the shining command:
LOVE ONE ANOTHER, and when we learn to love one another without a preset of conditions, we would have then learned how to experience, the joy and pleasure of the totality of the relationship, and how to have a romantic love affair with the joy of life.
Now we can embrace the relationship, knowing that love is King and the flames of fire is filled with great romance and passion is our greatest desire.
Are you the type of person that is always taking and never giving? Do you seek sex from your spouse for the pure enjoyment of getting your rocks off, and not being mindful of your spouses need?
Sex is primarily a spiritual act of oneness symbolized with a physical act. For it to be a blessing in marriage, there needs to be emotional and spiritual wholeness, free of domination, manipulation and control from either spouse. Emotional wounding or bondage in either person will damage and distort sexual intimacy. To have a healthy sexuality, you need complete trust, mutual respect and appreciation of each other which leads to oneness of body, soul and spirit. This creates a godly sexual soul tie. An ungodly sexual soul tie occurs when sexuality becomes a tool of control.Yes, there can be an ungodly sexual soul tie even in Christian marriage. There can even be sexual abuse in Christian marriage which gets covered up by insisting on the scriptural submission of women to the will of the male. It is a sin to dominate, manipulate or control a spouse in any way, including sexuality. It shows disrespect and treats the person as an object to meet the emotional needs of the other.Sexuality can be used as a tool of punishment or reward to control the other spouse. When it is used as a way of reassuring yourself of worth or acceptance, it can easily become an addiction that drives you for more. A very simple test of sexuality is to ask yourself this question, “during sex are you lovingly giving yourself to your spouse or taking what you believe to be rightfully yours?” If you are taking then you are on dangerous ground! In my observation, most sexual problems are emotional and spiritual, not physical. The solution is the healing of our wounds. We need to learn to love unconditionally. When we can detach ourselves from believing that we have total control of our spouses’ body, mind and soul and learn to trust and give them the love and respect they deserve, then we are on our way to learning the greatest lesson of all. “The art of a lover is to make the love last as long as possible.” Capture the spirit of this sentence and you capture the meaning of learning how to love unconditionally. In any relationship this is the greatest challenge of all. But it is one that we must learn to embrace and understand if we are to have a complete loving and romantic life together as one.
The state of a couple’s sex life is often a barometer of their relationship in general. When they are happy, sexual relations between them are good, but when problems occur in other areas of their life, their sex life often suffers too. This is because sex is a form of communication, and any difficulties we have in relating emotionally to each other are magnified by the physical intimacy of sexual union. However, it is also precisely because sex is the most intimate form of physical communication that it is the ideal vehicle through which to express love for our partner.
At the start of a relationship, when your levels of intimacy and commitment increase, the need to make love decreases and your sex life settles down. You may feel that the passion has gone, but in reality you are simply adjusting to each other’s natural libidos. This is a good time to embark on a journey to explore each other’s sensuality and learn how best to fulfill each other’s sexual needs.
A useful way to start is to make regular dates to spend intimate time together say, a couple of hours once or twice a week. You need to ensure that you will have total privacy, so try to arrange your dates to coincide with times when other members of the household will be out. Don’t feel that you have to make love in these sessions – the idea is to spend time getting to rediscover each other sexually in whatever ways feel most comfortable. You might like to talk, say, about past sexual experiences or what turns you on; or you might prefer to start the date by kissing and caressing each other tenderly and see where this touching leads you; or, again, you might wish to look at a sex manual or watch a sex video together, and talk about the positions and techniques they demonstrate. This will help you find a way to speak about your sexual desires. The more you learn about how to please each other, the more satisfying your sex life will become.
As you build up trust and physical intimacy, you can gradually introduce new elements into your love-making. Why not ask a favor of each other next time you have sex – you could ask your partner to give you a massage or to share their most erotic fantasy with you. Remember, whatever you choose to do, always approach sex with tenderness so that “making love” is a literal description of what you do together sexually.
Money, Sex, Power and
The Governor of New York has resigned amid allegation that he solicited sex from a prostitute and paid her in excess of $5,500 an hour for sex. This governor was one of the most powerful men in New York politics, a rising star in the Democrat party and a man that one day perhaps could have been President of the United States of America. Now he is just one of many politicians who have gotten caught up in scandals and fallen from their thorn of power.
What drives an individual to risk it all for a moment of sexual pleasure with no lasting benefits then drags his wife to a podium to stand beside him, while the TV cameras broadcast his meanness apology to the world?
What makes a woman put herself in such a humiliating position in front of the world at such a time as this?
Will she still stand by her man through his many difficulties that he will face while he is making amends to her and the general public?
Money, Sex, Power and Prostitution, this is one hell of a combination that is making Satan’s job so easy. We know that he has always disguised himself as an angel of light. Always ready to please and deceive. I can just see him now; sitting back with his legs crossed and laughing non stop about how stupid some people are with the things they do, knowing that soon or later they will ended up right where he is.
When will these men of great power and wealth ever learn that they can’t continue to do wrong and expect good to come their way?
What would you do, if your spouse cheated on you, then gave the family fortune to a prostitute and you received no benefit from it except to be humiliated in front of the world?
Life will give to you whatever you ask of it. Ask nothing and you will receive nothing. Ask little and you will receive little. The choice is yours. What is it that you want in this life? What type of job do you want? What type of car do you want to drive? Where do you want to live? What type of mansion do you want to live in? What should my wife, husband, girl friend or boyfriend be like? What should my bank account look like when I am ready to retire? Will the person that I am with be able to satisfy me sexually for the rest of my life? So many questions, so few answers; but the most important thing to keep in mind is this. It is you that will always have the last word on just how your life will be.
Transforming your self into a brand new sexual being may not be easily done, but it can be done if you are willing to make the sacrifices that are necessary to make it happen. By human nature, we all are sexual beings and God gave us the power, that He did not give to any other creature to effect change in our patterns of life, and to be the architect of our own destiny. Making a transformation from the old you, into the new you, can not take place until you can first believe in your mind that it is possible, then conceive the ideal that you were given the power to make it happen, then it will happen. Everything lies in your ability to be willing to change your thinking.
You cannot climb uphill by thinking downhill thoughts. If your world is gloomy and hopeless, it is because you are gloomy and hopeless. You must change your mind to change your world. Change is not easy, if it was, everyone would be making the change right now, and my writing of this article would not be necessary. Everyone wants to walk in the newness of life, but no one wants to go through the wilderness to get there.
Sometimes you have to give up something in order to have the greater good in life. Let go of old habits, old thoughts, old ideals, old shoes, old baggage, these are the things that hinders you from experiencing the sexual being that God created in you from the beginning, and defeats your ability to have the desires of your heart.
Sometimes you must move out in order to move on. Family and friends can hinder your growth and stand in the way of your success by not wanting to better themselves and always telling you what you can’t or should not be doing. Remember, change requires self-discipline. You must demand of yourself greater accountability to do what is necessary to be able to move out and move on. When you begin to change your environment, let go of the lower things and reach for the higher, you will experience the power of your true sexual being exploding deep down in your soul, like nothing you have ever experienced before in life.
Now, to truly effect the changes you want, in order for you to become the new sexual being, first begin by using the power of prayer, then let go of the old and let God have his way with you, because with God all things are possible.